Can anti-age gap people afford to be so picky in dating?

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MaxE
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06 Sep 2022, 8:31 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't think that gender identity or age should matter in the dating world.

It doesn’t matter to me, but it matters to some. I think that’s okay. We all like what we like.

I think I’m demisexual.

You can't control your sexual urges. Before puberty, I had no such urges I was aware of. Then my sexual thoughts were about girls my own age. I would look at the knee of the girl sitting next to me in class and wish I could touch it. I never had such thoughts about boys and it wasn't because someone told me I shouldn't. I also didn't really have many fantasies about young adult women at that age. As a young adult, I never really wanted a LTR with a woman significantly older than myself. The fact that my mother was more than 8 years older than my father didn't help. If it helps any, once it became an issue I didn't want a relationship with anyone more than 5 years younger, mostly because I thought the difference in life experience would eventually become a problem, partly due to a negative experience dating somebody more than 6 years younger. I met my wife around my 32nd birthday. I guessed her age at 24 when I met her and was relieved to learn she was 27.5. Great that she looked young but wasn't too young.

TL;DR Age and gender can matter in dating for some people if they're honest about their desires.


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Twilightprincess
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06 Sep 2022, 8:35 am

MaxE wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't think that gender identity or age should matter in the dating world.

It doesn’t matter to me, but it matters to some. I think that’s okay. We all like what we like.

I think I’m demisexual.

You can't control your sexual urges. Before puberty, I had no such urges I was aware of. Then my sexual thoughts were about girls my own age. I would look at the knee of the girl sitting next to me in class and wish I could touch it. I never had such thoughts about boys and it wasn't because someone told me I shouldn't. I also didn't really have many fantasies about young adult women at that age. As a young adult, I never really wanted a LTR with a woman significantly older than myself. The fact that my mother was more than 8 years older than my father didn't help. If it helps any, once it became an issue I didn't want a relationship with anyone more than 5 years younger, mostly because I thought the difference in life experience would eventually become a problem, partly due to a negative experience dating somebody more than 6 years younger. I met my wife around my 32nd birthday. I guessed her age at 24 when I met her and was relieved to learn she was 27.5. Great that she looked young but wasn't too young.

TL;DR Age and gender can matter in dating for some people if they're honest about their desires.


I never was turned on by a guy or gal’s physical appearance. I don’t think I even fully understand it. I don’t care about age or gender either. I think that I must be demisexual.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Sep 2022, 8:39 am

I'm primarily demisexual----but I like how a feminine woman looks......and her voice. I'm attracted much more to the intellect than to the body, though.

I wouldn't want to go to bed with a man, or become romantic with him. It's just not part of my schema. The whole idea of me kissing a man grosses me out.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 06 Sep 2022, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Twilightprincess
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06 Sep 2022, 8:46 am

My first love was a woman. We never got together (unless you count THAT). She said that if I were a man she would’ve married me. Being brought up in a homophobic religion sucked.

ANYWAY, gender doesn’t really matter to me. I’m not saying that it shouldn’t for other people, though.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Sep 2022, 8:55 am

It doesn't matter to me what a person "likes."

As long as a person who "likes" me, while I don't "like" that person, doesn't persist in pursuing me.

This doesn't mean I don't "like" a person as a human being; it means I don't dig that person in a romantic sense.



MaxE
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06 Sep 2022, 9:32 am

This is about us all having different physical desires over which we have little control. So long as we accept our differences in this regard, we should be good.


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SkinnyElephant
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10 Sep 2022, 3:16 pm

I don't see anything wrong with age gaps. In fact, many people (of both genders) would be excited to snag a significantly younger partner (and on the flip side, some prefer older)

As long as both parties are legal, it's no one's business how close in age a couple is.



goldfish21
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10 Sep 2022, 3:44 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
I don't see anything wrong with age gaps. In fact, many people (of both genders) would be excited to snag a significantly younger partner (and on the flip side, some prefer older)

As long as both parties are legal, it's no one's business how close in age a couple is.

Yep. Both myself and the trans guy I'm kinda seeing see things that way for sure. I'm almost 40, he just turned 23. Neither of us care what other people think of that.

Although, he did tell me that he told his mom that I was an "older guy." After I met his parents, he told me that his mom commented in private that she expected me to be Much older based on him saying that - not someone in their 30's. I guess she was expecting someone like 55 or something being labelled as an "older guy."

Seems his mom/parents are okay with me and my age. Lol the other bit he told me about that conversation was that she point blank asked him "What does he see in you?" :lol: Such a blunt thing to say.. pretty funny, though. I guess his mom's like "Wtf? This guy does not run in the same social circles as a homeless drug addict.. what's the attraction?" Little does she know that despite having things like a job, money, and a life - I actually have other homeless drug addict friends that live in the forest at the beach. :lol: I'd never consider dating them, though - not my type at all, and not just based on age.


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12 Sep 2022, 7:29 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
My only "problem" with age difference....is that should I marry someone 30 years younger than I am, that person would have to take care of me in my old age.
That was one of my concerns about being with someone a bit older than me, I would have to be taking care of them in old age. I s#ck with independent living skills & I'm a lot better in a supporting role than being the one in charge & responsible for making sure everything gets done. Plus I hate the idea of my partner dying before me, she's my main reason for living. I know I'm a bit selfish.


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28 Oct 2022, 9:29 am

That makes sense and is a legitimate concern.

However, it seems that even in couples where there is not a large age gap one is still taking care of the other anyway when older.

My aunts too care of their husbands when they get old and the husbands almost all died first, do it seems it will happen anyway regardless if their is a big age gap?



Benjamin the Donkey
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28 Oct 2022, 9:48 am

Yes, even with same-age couples it often happens that one person will become infirm / incapacitated first, with the other left relatively vigorous. I once know another couple with an age difference of over 30 years. The much younger wife died of cancer and the older husband was left alone. Life is uncertain and unpredictable.

But regardless of all that, we love who we love, regardless of age, race, sex, nationality, or any other limitations. True love and compatibility is rare enough that I'm not going to criticize anyone for their choices.


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martianprincess
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28 Oct 2022, 9:19 pm

Age gaps were problematic for me when I was much younger. When I was in my early 20s I exclusively dated much older men because those were the only people who showed an interest in me... Unfortunately, I wasn't able to discern at the time that it was for the wrong reasons. I think that happens to girls and women often, unfortunately.

These days I find myself drawn to slightly younger men. I don't think I'd date someone younger than 26, it would be weird to me. My partner is 28, so I guess it works out.


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cyberdad
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28 Oct 2022, 9:46 pm

consenting adults = no brainer



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10 Nov 2022, 1:05 am

Well I was thinking about that show I found out about from here, Love on the Spectrum, and would the people on there be given more options on people to date, if the showmakers were willing to expand the age gap options more?



nick007
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10 Nov 2022, 3:12 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
Yes, even with same-age couples it often happens that one person will become infirm / incapacitated first, with the other left relatively vigorous. I once know another couple with an age difference of over 30 years. The much younger wife died of cancer and the older husband was left alone. Life is uncertain and unpredictable.

But regardless of all that, we love who we love, regardless of age, race, sex, nationality, or any other limitations. True love and compatibility is rare enough that I'm not going to criticize anyone for their choices.
Your right.
I do think that if I was in a romantic relationship with someone who was a lot younger than me & in relatively good health, I would try a lot harder to take better care of myself & become more independent. I would want to be around longer & be able to be there for her more. I feel I let myself go being in a relationship with someone who's my age & also has various health issues. Maybe some of it is due to various stressors of life or I subconsciously want to make sure I die before her. I am turning 40 in less than a week so perhaps this is what a midlife crises is like :shrug:


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kraftiekortie
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10 Nov 2022, 3:45 pm

^I'll be turning 62 in about 1 1/2 months. You're not even close to being old! Or even middle-aged!