Can anti-age gap people afford to be so picky in dating?

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ironpony
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27 Aug 2022, 10:45 pm

I am in an age gap difference relationship and I have been surprised at some of the negativity I have received from people about it.

People I have talked to said they wouldn't date someone who is over 3 years different than them in age, or maybe 5 for some people.

But I wonder, can people who are against the idea of an age gap relationship, afford to be so picky all the time? Dating in this day and age is hard, and you have to make compromises in the fact that you will not find the perfect partner, or find a partner, where you have absolutely everything in common.

So I wonder, are people who say they are against age gap relationships, are really good casanova's at getting dates with plenty of options are their feet, that they can afford to be that picky, to the point where they just don't see how more average or below people who the dating market does not have near as many options to offer them?

It just seems kind of shallow in a sense, like what if you would ge a really good match with someone, but you said 'sorry you seem really cool, but you are outside my five year age gap dating rule'.

What do you think? Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!



old_comedywriter
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27 Aug 2022, 10:51 pm

If you want to date a kid or a granny, that's fine.

I'm 62 and I won't date anyone over 70 or under 57. The upper limit is because I already lost my wife who was 8 years older, and the tighter lower limit is because I'm not looking for a relationship with an estate executor and most women under 57 are like kids compared to me. Just looking at dating website profiles, you can see a huge difference at 56 and below.


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28 Aug 2022, 5:29 am

ironpony wrote:
It just seems kind of shallow in a sense, like what if you would ge a really good match with someone, but you said 'sorry you seem really cool, but you are outside my five year age gap dating rule'.

Agreed. It's hard enough just to find someone compatible, without imposing arbitrary categorical requirements.

Almost all the relationships I've been in, including my current and longest-lasting one, have been with people significantly older or younger than myself.


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28 Aug 2022, 5:52 am

I usually have no issue with age gaps. I will say that a 22 year old and a 62 year old probably wouldn’t have a whole lot in common, though.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Aug 2022, 7:28 am

I have nothing against large age-gap relationships morally, whatsoever.



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28 Aug 2022, 8:41 am

ironpony wrote:
I am in an age gap difference relationship and I have been surprised at some of the negativity I have received from people about it.

People I have talked to said they wouldn't date someone who is over 3 years different than them in age, or maybe 5 for some people.

But I wonder, can people who are against the idea of an age gap relationship, afford to be so picky all the time? Dating in this day and age is hard, and you have to make compromises in the fact that you will not find the perfect partner, or find a partner, where you have absolutely everything in common.

So I wonder, are people who say they are against age gap relationships, are really good casanova's at getting dates with plenty of options are their feet, that they can afford to be that picky, to the point where they just don't see how more average or below people who the dating market does not have near as many options to offer them?

It just seems kind of shallow in a sense, like what if you would ge a really good match with someone, but you said 'sorry you seem really cool, but you are outside my five year age gap dating rule'.

What do you think? Thank you for any opinions on this! I really appreciate it!

I prefer dating 18 to 21 year old women compared to 35 year old women.Age gap dating is my favorite.



nick007
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28 Aug 2022, 9:24 am

ironpony wrote:
But I wonder, can people who are against the idea of an age gap relationship, afford to be so picky all the time? Dating in this day and age is hard, and you have to make compromises in the fact that you will not find the perfect partner, or find a partner, where you have absolutely everything in common.
That probably is the case some of the time but other times they believe that somebody very close to their age would likely be much more compatible with them & would be more willing to give them a chance & try to make a relationship work than somebody who's a bit older or younger. There can also a bit of stigma & fear about a younger women being with an older man like the woman is a gold-digger wanting a father figure & the guy wants a woman he use for sex & control. That is probably the case some of the time but that can also happen when the couple is the same age. If that kind of relationship works for the both of em, then I do NOT see a problem. There's been some Aspie women on WP who had/have good relationships with older guys & some of those relationships did not involve much sex & some of those women had OK jobs. I really wish society would mind their own f#cking business & not be obsessed with idle gossip nor try to lump & force others into square boxes.

When seeking a relationship I did not consider women who were a lot older than me & starting in my mid 20s the youngest I would be interested in was 18. Being very independent was never in the cards for me due to having various disabilities & I'm also very immature compared to my NT peers in some ways. I also think being emotionally supportive within a relationship is my biggest relationship strength thou I do not go about it the typical NT way. It's common for women in relationships with Aspie guys to feel like they are forced to be the Aspie's mom & that can fuel resentment very fast. I never had a good relationship with my mom & hated the idea of having that kind of relationship with my romantic partner. The last thing I would want is for the two of us to resent each other due to her feeling forced to take on a role I did not want her to take. Thus in theory it seemed like I would be much more compatible with women younger than me than women older than me, in general anyways. My 1st girlfriend was 15 when I was 20 & my 2nd was 19 when I was 28 but my current is half a year older than me thou. I met the latter two on this forum & they were on the spectrum or had lots of overlapping issues at least. My 2nd was very independent or at least wanted to be & I felt like a fixer upper to her & I could not measure up & I also felt pushed away a lot :cry: My 1st & my current gf both had some issues they were/are dealing with & I felt/feel like a parent some but I can deal with that aLOT better than the other way around. My current feels like a parent with me some of the time thou so it kinda balances out I guess & works. I realize there are exceptions & what I wanted to avoid could still happen with a much younger woman & might not happen with a woman around my age so people & relationships should be considered on a case by case basis.

As a side-note, my dad's dad was 12 or 14 years older than my dad's mom, & my mom's dad was also a lot older than my mom's mom but I forget how much older(my stab in the dark guess is about 10 years). I think it was fairly common back then due to the traditional gender & social roles, at least in the deep south where I'm originally from. My dad is less than a month & a half older than my mom thou.


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ironpony
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31 Aug 2022, 12:58 am

Those points make sense. I guess it just seems like people think I am some sort of hot adonis who has all these options to choose from and if I really like and care about my gf now, that don't matter, just find another one where you have more in common with, or that seems to be a common attitude among some.



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31 Aug 2022, 12:10 pm

This is not the first thread in which you have tried engage us in discussion.

We will tell you the same thing: you have a good thing going. If you are happy and she is happy, who cares what other people say or think?



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31 Aug 2022, 2:26 pm

rse92 wrote:
This is not the first thread in which you have tried engage us in discussion.

We will tell you the same thing: you have a good thing going. If you are happy and she is happy, who cares what other people say or think?
I agree with that advice but it can sometimes be very hard not to let judgemental people get inside our heads. I do not know if there is any interference from the OP's family or close friends or his girlfriend's family or close friends due to their age difference but if there is that would make things more complicated & it would be a lot harder to ignore the haters.


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31 Aug 2022, 2:43 pm

We're forced to tolerate non-binary people, large age gap differences should be tolerated just as fairly too. I'm in a large age difference relationship too and I think there's nothing wrong with it so long as you're both consenting adults.


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nick007
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31 Aug 2022, 3:04 pm

Joe90 wrote:
We're forced to tolerate non-binary people, large age gap differences should be tolerated just as fairly too. I'm in a large age difference relationship too and I think there's nothing wrong with it so long as you're both consenting adults.
That probably depends on where you live. Where I'm originally from, it's not uncommon for women to be with guys who are lot older but non-binary people are not well tolerated. They should all be accepted.


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31 Aug 2022, 3:08 pm

I don't have any difficulty tolerating "non-binary" people.....as long as they are able to tolerate me :)



nick007
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31 Aug 2022, 3:20 pm

I do not like the word Tolerate being used here. The word tolerate sounds to me like someone is being inconvenienced like how I tolerate sitting near a crying baby on a bus or I tolerate the temps being in the 90s sometimes in the summer. Being in a relationship with an age gape or being non-binary should NOT be affecting anybody else.


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31 Aug 2022, 3:23 pm

nick007 wrote:
I do not like the word Tolerate being used here. The word tolerate sounds to me like someone is being inconvenienced like how I tolerate sitting near a crying baby on a bus or I tolerate the temps being in the 90s sometimes in the summer. Being in a relationship with an age gape or being non-binary should NOT be affecting anybody else.

Excellent point. I agree 100%.


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31 Aug 2022, 3:25 pm

I agree.

I don't like to be merely "tolerated," either.

I have often felt that way throughout my life. It's not a good feeling.