Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

01 Sep 2022, 10:10 am

I rarely talk to anyone as I work at home alone so I don't get much conversation practice. So when I meet another human, I try to practice conversation skills. I think it's a good idea.

Today I took my daughter to the hairdressers, and while I waited for her, I chatted to another woman waiting for her children to get their hair cut too. We talked about how we cut our children's hair short for convenience when they were little, but they all wanted to grow their hair long when they got older. I think the conversation went well, I kept to the topic of hair and didn't diverge.

I also chatted to the supermarket delivery driver about the weather, types of food we liked, and the eccentricities of other drivers who pack bags in strange ways e.g. the fragile stuff at the bottom and the heavy stuff on top. I think that went well too.

So quite a good conversational day! I didn't say anything weird or make people stare at me in shock.

Does anyone else practice conversing like this?


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 50,898

01 Sep 2022, 10:13 am

I haven't said a word yet today and I hope to keep it that way. :P

I have a sore throat and a cough.

I like your idea but I wouldn't want to mask too much.

Did you find it stressful at the time?
Did you do eye contact and everything? 8O



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,276
Location: UK

01 Sep 2022, 10:29 am

Good for you, you done better than I would.

I go a bit shy when having conversations with people I don't know. If they speak to me I speak back, but I don't chat away. I only chat away to people I know, like work colleagues. I enjoy a bit of social chitchat with colleagues. (I know you work from home and don't have colleagues, I'm just saying :) ).


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

01 Sep 2022, 10:36 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I haven't said a word yet today and I hope to keep it that way. :P

I have a sore throat and a cough.

I like your idea but I wouldn't want to mask too much.

Did you find it stressful at the time?
Did you do eye contact and everything? 8O


Hope you get well soon!

I am always on constant alert not to say anything 'weird', whatever 'weird' is.

I'm fine with short conversations with total strangers, it's just when people get to know me they start thinking I'm weird and I struggle with knowing what to say. My friendships don't last long.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

01 Sep 2022, 10:40 am

Joe90 wrote:
Good for you, you done better than I would.

I go a bit shy when having conversations with people I don't know. If they speak to me I speak back, but I don't chat away. I only chat away to people I know, like work colleagues. I enjoy a bit of social chitchat with colleagues. (I know you work from home and don't have colleagues, I'm just saying :) ).


I'm the opposite. Total strangers think I'm normal, it's just when people get to know me they think 'what a weirdo' and soon hurry away.

I did work in jobs for 20 years so I have had colleagues. Some were impossible to talk to, some were easy to talk to. Same old same old. I think most of them thought I was 'quirky.'

I've been alone at home since 2005, so I need to practice my social skills or they'll totally go. If they haven't gone already :roll:

It was so much fun when I was young. My parents were VERY sociable, I knew lots of lovely people who liked and understood me. Such a long time ago.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 50,898

01 Sep 2022, 10:48 am

KitLily wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Hope you get well soon!

I am always on constant alert not to say anything 'weird', whatever 'weird' is.

I'm fine with short conversations with total strangers, it's just when people get to know me they start thinking I'm weird and I struggle with knowing what to say. My friendships don't last long.


I can relate to that.
Strangers aren't too bad if they initiate and it's a defined topic.
I spend the whole time wondering how to end the conversation, though.
I feel like I either let it go too long, or I cut it short and seem rude.

I get so flustered and self-conscious I don't have enough energy to even fake eye contact.
Quite often I realise later on that I wasn't even facing the person.
I think I go into this posture, but maybe I'm overdramatising it in my head:

Image :P :P :twisted:



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

01 Sep 2022, 10:49 am

I suppose the thing to remember is, most people are only interested in themselves and don't take much notice of others, so if you seem rude or overtalkative, they won't remember it for long.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,828
Location: New York City (Queens)

01 Sep 2022, 11:25 am

KitLily wrote:
I'm fine with short conversations with total strangers, it's just when people get to know me they start thinking I'm weird and I struggle with knowing what to say. My friendships don't last long.

I too am fine with short conversations with total strangers, and with neighbors.

I don't expect most of these people ever to become friends or anything more than distant acquaintances. I don't consider eventual friendship to be even a possibility UNLESS the other person and I have one or more specific interests in common, AND, even then, only if the person is also a fellow oddball in ways that I can relate to.

So, although my weirdness is a barrier to friendship with the average person, it's also a source of bonding with the friends I've managed to find over the years.

But I also think it's good to be on casual friendly-acquaintance terms with neighbors rather than completely ignore them.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

02 Sep 2022, 7:55 am

Oh yes, as a stay at home mum/worker I've made a conscious effort to make friends with the neighbours. I send Christmas cards each year to the 9 closest houses and know most of them by name and who lives where now. It makes me feel secure because it's a lonely, dark road at night and in the winter. I'm usually here alone all day so I need to know I can turn to some people if I need immediate help.

I intend to do this when I move house too. So many people don't know their neighbours and it's not safe.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


Trachea
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 34
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 176

02 Sep 2022, 12:51 pm

My cousin sent me a bunch of messages on whatsapp and it was annoying. There's nothing wrong with him or what he sent per se, but I had an amazingly nice day today being alone. As soon as he sent me them and I had to answer, even though I kept it mostly one-word answers, I feel exhausted, like my whole lovely day never happened. I wish I could seriously throw away my phone. I don't understand why they feel the need to contact me, I just want to be in peace.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

03 Sep 2022, 9:15 am

Trachea wrote:
My cousin sent me a bunch of messages on whatsapp and it was annoying. There's nothing wrong with him or what he sent per se, but I had an amazingly nice day today being alone. As soon as he sent me them and I had to answer, even though I kept it mostly one-word answers, I feel exhausted, like my whole lovely day never happened. I wish I could seriously throw away my phone. I don't understand why they feel the need to contact me, I just want to be in peace.


Life was so much more peaceful before we were contactable 24/7 wasn't it! Being available all day and night is not normal or restful is it...


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 109,167
Location: On a special base where the Christmas soldiers of the world live

03 Sep 2022, 9:26 am

I didn't talk to anybody today, yet. I talk to my friends and my family. I don't really talk to people that I don't know. I hardly talk to my neighbours unless I see them in the lobby downstairs. I don't even get too close to them. A young man held the elevator door open for me after whistling at me yesterday and I told him in a direct way that I like my space.


_________________
Oberfeldwebel

Age: 48
Gender: Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/Him/His
IQ: 86 and I use all 86 of them.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

03 Sep 2022, 3:57 pm

I'm unable to live 24/7 only talking to my husband and daughter though. Only having 2 people in my life is not enough.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


1401b
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 122
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,590

10 Sep 2022, 7:22 am

I've had a busy week.. I've talked to two people in the last ten days.
It's now September, I've probably interacted with others maybe 10 - 12 hours total this year..
Grocery store, doctor office, dog park, gas station included..
My brother lives ~200 feet away, claims he loves talking with me, but accounts for probably 4 of those hours..

I think <15 hours/year interaction is too low.. After 3 years it's starting to wear on me a bit..

I'm kinda feeling sorry for myself atm, lol


_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,163
Location: England

10 Sep 2022, 12:19 pm

1401b wrote:
I've had a busy week.. I've talked to two people in the last ten days.
It's now September, I've probably interacted with others maybe 10 - 12 hours total this year..
Grocery store, doctor office, dog park, gas station included..
My brother lives ~200 feet away, claims he loves talking with me, but accounts for probably 4 of those hours..

I think <15 hours/year interaction is too low.. After 3 years it's starting to wear on me a bit..

I'm kinda feeling sorry for myself atm, lol


That sounds similar to me. I've been lonely since 2005. Yes I have a husband but I seem unable to make friends with anyone, and the latest 2 of my friends, who I worked hard to get, have disappeared on me.

It's just dull and repetitive having so little interaction isn't it.


_________________
I am here for interesting, meaningful discussions and thoughtful, rewarding conversations. I very quickly lose interest in long, drawn-out arguments.
***
I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.


Trachea
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 34
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 176

10 Sep 2022, 2:23 pm

Yes, it was so boring