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KitLily
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12 Sep 2022, 9:59 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
My mother felt similar to you. She was an "outsider," an "outlier." And she had to raise my brother and I (especially I, since I had definite, obvious autism).

But she got through it....and you got through it.

My mother has regrets, sure----but it didn't keep her from leading a relatively full life.


Thanks KK. I will ensure if/when my daughter has children, she is NOT alone like I was. Even if I have to go and stay with her. Tiger mum!

I don't live a full life for health reasons but my daughter is the apple of my eye and so much wiser and more aware than I ever was.


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KitLily
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12 Sep 2022, 10:03 am

this world is very overpopulated indeed. I feel that people who can't have children but desperately want them could adopt children who are already born.

I worry that people without children won't have anyone to advocate for them when they are old. There will be plenty of people to care for them, but what will the standard of care be? There won't be anyone to say, 'excuse me. My mum/dad prefers to sit up when they go to sleep because they have chronic indigestion. If they lie down, they throw up.' 'You need to be more careful. My mum/dad needs to go to the toilet every 2 hours, not every 4 hours, or they wet themselves.' etc.

But of course if you make a living will, you'll get over that problem!


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CockneyRebel
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12 Sep 2022, 12:51 pm

I couldn't picture me having kids. 12 little CockneyRebels running around with their toy guns and helmets? No thank you.


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KitLily
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12 Sep 2022, 2:56 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I couldn't picture me having kids. 12 little CockneyRebels running around with their toy guns and helmets? No thank you.


It's not obligatory to have 12 you know :wink:


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AnonymousAnonymous
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15 Sep 2022, 4:23 pm

I'm 32 and have yet to have kids alongside moving out of my childhood home.

No one should be forced into becoming a parent at all because IMO,
people who engage in pressuring another into becoming a parent should be viewed as
someone who won't accept certain facts of life.

(Example: My bigoted uncles both believe that the only way for a woman
to truly be happy is to settle down before doing anything else in her life. My NT sister & I both view
this as absolute BS, but they will always see it as fact.)


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BreathlessJade
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15 Sep 2022, 8:25 pm

skrish234 wrote:
I'm high functioning on the autism spectrum, and totally capable of having kids. I'm scared that if I have kids in the future, I may pass on my autism to them. It's even scarier to imagine that they might be low functioning on the spectrum. I know that I shouldn't worry about this now since I'm still 18, but I worry about how I would raise my future kids if they end up being on the spectrum. I did ABA therapy and it helped me a lot, but that may not be the same for my future kids. They're going to have different needs than I do. I'm just scared that my future kids are going to be on the autism spectrum like me.

You saying that gives me the impression you care about them already. If they are on the spectrum, who better to understand and help them than you? And I can almost guarantee you'll regret even thinking that once your first is born and you hold them :wink:

Now me??...I ain't marrying or having kids so I can't relate completely haha.



KitLily
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16 Sep 2022, 7:39 am

I think generally these days, having children is so difficult and unsupported that it's best not to.

There's hardly any affordable childcare.

If a mum stays at home, she's called lazy and a drain on society. If a mum goes out to work, she's called uncaring and selfish.

Only 50% of people in the west even have kids, so there is little understanding and support out there for parents, we're told to shut up, told that we shouldn't have had kids if we're only going to complain, and generally mocked.

Financially life is getting harder so there is little spare money to support children.

My parents in law had 4 kids. They had a 4 bedroom house. They lived on one wage, my father in law had one job. But they managed perfectly well.

Me and my husband have 1 child. We have a tiny 2 bedroom house. We are struggling to survive on two modest wages.

It is ridiculous. There is no incentive to have children whatsoever these days, it's an exhausting life that is mocked by society in general. So why bother.

The end of my rant for the day! :lol:


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Nades
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16 Sep 2022, 7:50 am

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
I'm 32 and have yet to have kids alongside moving out of my childhood home.

No one should be forced into becoming a parent at all because IMO,
people who engage in pressuring another into becoming a parent should be viewed as
someone who won't accept certain facts of life.

(Example: My bigoted uncles both believe that the only way for a woman
to truly be happy is to settle down before doing anything else in her life. My NT sister & I both view
this as absolute BS, but they will always see it as fact.)


Same age, same situation. My parents said years ago that they never envisioned me having a child though. I'm undecided on it but would like the option.

As we get older it's important to keep in mind that eventually it's the wider society who makes that decision for us. Once people start straying away from the average age of kids, options start to become more limited to have kids as those who wanted them increasing already have them.

Sooner or later a decision need to be made. Clinging on to virginity in their 30s isn't an option, dragging feet isn't an option, "i'll wait another couple of years" isn't an option.

Each to their own but if someone wants a family, they need to take it seriously when they hit 30.

(Not directed at any members on this thread, just my personal thoughts of the issue in general)



AprilR
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17 Sep 2022, 4:50 am

I never considered having kids, even if i had a partner i wouldn't want it. I can barely take care of myself let alone a child and i wouldn't want my Child to go through what i did at childhood. There is no way to cancel your decision once you have a child, you are stuck with them for life and it's very scary to me.



RetroGamer87
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20 Sep 2022, 7:05 am

The thought of having kids scares me and I've already got one. The thought that I am already a parent fills me with dread. I wasn't supposed to be a parent. It was my destiny to be happily childless and now I have destroyed that happy future.


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renaeden
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20 Sep 2022, 9:52 pm

I knew from when I was a kid that I would never have kids of my own. My three sisters gave my parents grandchildren. My twin has two boys and a girl.

To be honest, the thought of being pregnant put me right off. And with all the scans and examinations, there's a loss of dignity. My twin's first pregnancy was awful. She was so ill with morning sickness that she ended up in hospital. Plus her labour was very long. And she did the whole thing again another two times! No thanks.

Changing nappies/diapers. No thanks. Cleaning up vomit. Ditto.

I do wonder about who will look after me when I'm old.



KitLily
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21 Sep 2022, 8:26 am

renaeden wrote:
I knew from when I was a kid that I would never have kids of my own. My three sisters gave my parents grandchildren. My twin has two boys and a girl.

To be honest, the thought of being pregnant put me right off. And with all the scans and examinations, there's a loss of dignity. My twin's first pregnancy was awful. She was so ill with morning sickness that she ended up in hospital. Plus her labour was very long. And she did the whole thing again another two times! No thanks.

Changing nappies/diapers. No thanks. Cleaning up vomit. Ditto.

I do wonder about who will look after me when I'm old.


Yes, pregnancy is no fun. Women don't just 'pop out babies' as many people dismissively say e.g. some men.

It's great my daughter is now 16 and more independent. Looking after a young child who was very delicate and sick was terrifying, exhausting and lonely.


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I'm sorry if I get you mixed up with other people, I'm not good at telling people apart. Just remind me of our last conversation then I'll know who you are.