Autistic people unknowingly committing crimes

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SkinnyElephant
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10 Sep 2022, 7:27 pm

I started out typing this thread in the dating forum. Then I realized the thread is not only about dating; it's about life in general. Here it goes

The dating game relies largely on social awareness. You have to be aware of whether the other party is receptive to your flirts, you have to know whether the other party is simply playing hard to get or genuinely wants you to scram, etc

I know of instances where people on the spectrum (mainly men, simply because men are expected to do the chasing) unknowingly commit crimes in the process of trying to get a date. It's not that autistic men are hardened criminals; it's that they/we lack the social awareness to realize any laws were broken.

For example, I know a man on the spectrum who told me a story from when he was in college. He would go to a female classmate's apartment building unannounced (he was trying to court her). He sincerely believed his actions made him look dedicated and romantic. Yet he ended up getting a restraining order issued against him (and there was even talk of getting him expelled from school).

I have a story of my own from when I was in college. This girl I was speaking with appeared to be into me at first. Then she started acted more and more distant. I thought she was playing hard to get (so I persisted at continuing to court her). It reached the point where she threatened to rat me out to law enforcement if I contacted her one more time.

There's no way we're the only two.

Furthermore, not only in the context of dating, but in general: When those of us on the spectrum get a criminal record, it tends to be the same general story (where the autistic individual wasn't aware their actions were wrong). I'm not saying to exempt the autistic from following laws. But if only there were a way to separate us from the hardened criminals



Last edited by SkinnyElephant on 10 Sep 2022, 8:34 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Joe90
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10 Sep 2022, 7:42 pm

TL;DR
But I do know that finding a date is much harder for autistic men than it is for autistic women. If a man has an obsession with a girl that he can't control, it can make him look creepy. If a woman has an obsession with a man, she can seem annoying or like a pest but it isn't frowned upon so much.

When I was younger I had a crush on a bus-driver, and all the regular passengers that boarded the bus soon knew about it. I'd make sure to catch his bus every day and the passengers would joke to him "your wife is waiting!" OK some might have made fun, and some did shoot me a few glares, but I know that if I had been a man hanging around a woman driver or passenger like that, the police would have probably been called.


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SkinnyElephant
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10 Sep 2022, 8:39 pm

Joe90 wrote:
TL;DR
But I do know that finding a date is much harder for autistic men than it is for autistic women. If a man has an obsession with a girl that he can't control, it can make him look creepy. If a woman has an obsession with a man, she can seem annoying or like a pest but it isn't frowned upon so much.

When I was younger I had a crush on a bus-driver, and all the regular passengers that boarded the bus soon knew about it. I'd make sure to catch his bus every day and the passengers would joke to him "your wife is waiting!" OK some might have made fun, and some did shoot me a few glares, but I know that if I had been a man hanging around a woman driver or passenger like that, the police would have probably been called.


You're right, the post was pretty long. I went through and eliminated some of the fluff (to make the post more concise).

Other than lacking the social awareness to know when to back off, another reason an autistic man might appear more intense (compared to a neurotypical man) when courting a woman: Since we get fewer opportunities in general when it comes to dating, we don't want to let a possible opportunity pass us by.



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11 Sep 2022, 12:49 am

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Joe90
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11 Sep 2022, 1:00 am

SkinnyElephant wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
TL;DR
But I do know that finding a date is much harder for autistic men than it is for autistic women. If a man has an obsession with a girl that he can't control, it can make him look creepy. If a woman has an obsession with a man, she can seem annoying or like a pest but it isn't frowned upon so much.

When I was younger I had a crush on a bus-driver, and all the regular passengers that boarded the bus soon knew about it. I'd make sure to catch his bus every day and the passengers would joke to him "your wife is waiting!" OK some might have made fun, and some did shoot me a few glares, but I know that if I had been a man hanging around a woman driver or passenger like that, the police would have probably been called.


You're right, the post was pretty long. I went through and eliminated some of the fluff (to make the post more concise).

Other than lacking the social awareness to know when to back off, another reason an autistic man might appear more intense (compared to a neurotypical man) when courting a woman: Since we get fewer opportunities in general when it comes to dating, we don't want to let a possible opportunity pass us by.


Yes that is true too.

With me when I got obsessions with men it wasn't that I was oblivious to know when to back off, it was that I was very impulsive and found it hard not to give in to the urges I had to see them. Even seeing them for 10 seconds made my whole day, and sometimes I'd go through hell and high water just to see them for 10 seconds.


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11 Sep 2022, 6:15 am

I don't even get obsessed or interested but still unknowingly get misunderstood, though not to the point of getting in trouble legally. I've never been interested in dating or relationships. A few half-hearted experiences were enough for me to know dating is only boring and tiring for men. However, I've had some very unpleasant experiences of people spreading false rumor that I was making unwelcome sexual advances to a woman. I actually found that woman very unpleasant because she always gossiped, nasty and had bad breath. How the hell would I even want to be around her? I think many cases of autistic men getting accused of something like that are based on prejudice.



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11 Sep 2022, 8:26 am

I think its cos an autistic man meets a woman and she seems friendly and even interested at first, then the attraction wears off ,for whatever reason (probably ASD), but the attraction is still strong for the ASD bloke.

So then the stage is set for him to humiliate himself , rinse and repeat.

The bloke is expected to make all the moves.
In the romantic movies the bloke does something crazy at the end to win the girl back......



Last edited by klanka on 11 Sep 2022, 8:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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11 Sep 2022, 8:56 am

I usually know when I'm doing something wrong. I got quite a big criminal record as a juvenile which was put down to conduct disorder. I just used to find committing crime and getting into trouble etc a more exciting alternative. I would set out with the intention of behaving myself but the boredom of that was just too much to bare.

I did used to get fixated on people though. I think it was an attention thing for me. If I found a person who would give me the attention that I wanted or needed then (rightly or wrongly) I would go all out to be in their company.

That was when I was a kid though.


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SkinnyElephant
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11 Sep 2022, 10:06 am

klanka wrote:
I think its cos an autistic man meets a woman and she seems friendly and even interested at first, then the attraction wears off ,for whatever reason (probably ASD), but the attraction is still strong for the ASD bloke.

So then the stage is set for him to humiliate himself , rinse and repeat.

The bloke is expected to make all the moves.
In the romantic movies the bloke does something crazy at the end to win the girl back......


Your post is, more or less, spot on for how my story from college happened.

The woman initially told me she'd be interested in setting up a date later in the week (we met on a dating site). On the day of our date, I reached back out to her to confirm we were still on.

That's when the drama started. Insults thrown my way. Claims (on her part) that she already had a boyfriend. She even faked a man's voice (pretending to be her alleged boyfriend; telling me to shove it). She then insisted she was never into me in the first place.

This was roughly a decade ago (so I don't remember my exact wording). However, my reply went something like "I don't buy your claim that you were never into me in the first place, seeing as you flat-out told me the other day that you were interested in setting up a date. That being said, I totally believe you've lost interest. All I'm asking is...what exactly did I do to make you lose interest?"

That's when she refused to respond to my question (and threatened to press charges if I contacted her one more time).

Men on the spectrum can easily become discouraged from so much as flirting with a woman (Because then we risk something like this happening. Flirting with woman could ultimately turn into flirting with criminal charges)

How deflating. I started out my day excited for our date. Then I ended my day with the threat of a criminal record.



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11 Sep 2022, 10:24 am

Joe90 wrote:
TL;DR
But I do know that finding a date is much harder for autistic men than it is for autistic women. If a man has an obsession with a girl that he can't control, it can make him look creepy. If a woman has an obsession with a man, she can seem annoying or like a pest but it isn't frowned upon so much.

When I was younger I had a crush on a bus-driver, and all the regular passengers that boarded the bus soon knew about it. I'd make sure to catch his bus every day and the passengers would joke to him "your wife is waiting!" OK some might have made fun, and some did shoot me a few glares, but I know that if I had been a man hanging around a woman driver or passenger like that, the police would have probably been called.


Too much common sense for WP lol.



klanka
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11 Sep 2022, 11:33 am

Yeah skinnyelephanr I've had that storyline play out a few times but never to that extreme. Just the distancing behavior. So that happened in the course of one day...did you contact her more than once in that day?

I don't know why it would escalate into threats like that.

This is a good thread though, helps to know I'm not the only one, and highlights what a b***h autism is



SkinnyElephant
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11 Sep 2022, 11:50 am

klanka wrote:
Yeah skinnyelephanr I've had that storyline play out a few times but never to that extreme. Just the distancing behavior. So that happened in the course of one day...did you contact her more than once in that day?

I don't know why it would escalate into threats like that.

This is a good thread though, helps to know I'm not the only one, and highlights what a b***h autism is


We started chatting (and exchanged numbers) on a dating site. On the day we first started chatting, we made tentative plans to meet up a few days later. Then for the next few days, we only spoke a small bit (Which wasn't necessarily a telltale sign of lost interest. We were busy with school/work. Plus, even I know you're not supposed to come on too strong).

The day of our scheduled date was when all the escalation took place. I texted her to see if we were still on. Then she angrily called me, threw all of the abuse/insults my way, and hung up. I was flabbergasted at her drastic shift in behavior. So then I sent her the text wondering "What's going on here?"

I know she's under no obligation to meet up with me (or give me an explanation for her change in behavior). But it's a fair question to wonder "what gives?" when a woman you're seemingly hitting it off with (and set up a date with) does a total 180 on the day of the date. And totally uncalled for to threaten to press charges just because the guy essentially asks you "what's with your behavioral change?"



klanka
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11 Sep 2022, 12:25 pm

Seems like she might've been the one with issues there



SkinnyElephant
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11 Sep 2022, 12:37 pm

klanka wrote:
Seems like she might've been the one with issues there


Yeah. Maybe she does this type of thing for fun (string guys along on dating sites only to smash their self-confidence a few days later).

I ended up getting the last laugh. Pretty soon afterwards, she ended up getting a DUI. Looks like she's the one with the criminal record.



klanka
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11 Sep 2022, 12:39 pm

Oh yeah that could account for a lot of this



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11 Sep 2022, 12:46 pm

I used to do my Austin Powers impressions when I was in my 20s, asking people if I made them horny. I'm surprised that I wasn't arrested.


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