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Summer_Twilight
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13 Sep 2022, 8:33 am

On Sunday evening, I went out to dinner with some friends who are all on the spectrum such as myself. Among them was a neighbor and friend of mine, though lives on his own and incredibly skilled, has more moderate autistic traits. Some examples:

1. He's one of those people who is extremely organized and if people don't do things his way he tends to get upset

2. He lacks theory of mind by thinking that everyone's facts should always be 100% accurate to what he knows or her gets mad.- He yelled at me for getting his cat's name wrong.
3. He has some poor social skills

He happens to be going out of town tomorrow and I was originally going to look over his cat. When we were at the restaurant, he went over how he wanted things done with her while I was away. While I understand that he was setting boundaries with me, he seemed to get more and more upset by telling me that I seemed to do everything wrong the last time. When he left, I had an icky feeling that left me also feeling uncomfortable. So I decided to tell him:

"You seemed pretty upset about the way that I was doing things so I am going to say no this time." Though I am not mad at him, I just don't always have the time to deal with his bad mood at times.

Am I being a jerk for backing out on taking care of this cat this time? Also did I say the wrong things?



Shahunshah
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13 Sep 2022, 9:54 am

Unless your treatment of his cat was particularly egregious it is unlikely you did anything wrong.



klanka
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13 Sep 2022, 9:58 am

That's the perfectionist personality ,I've dealt with people like that and had to just get away from them each time cos they expect perfection or they yell. If you fancy getting yelled at on a regular basis then help him out more :)



Summer_Twilight
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13 Sep 2022, 10:07 am

Some examples:

At the restaurant, he was telling me:
1. How and when I should feed his cat and what I should feed her. "Her cans of cat food should last for two days. Half of the food should be one day and the other half should be for the next day."

2. You didn't close my door properly and that's why would couldn't get it locked on the last day. You need to hold the doorknob and make sure it's locked.

I was trying to enjoy myself at the restaurant with another friend and the live music as he was leaving. However, he had more to say so he came back three times. When he finally did leave, he didn't say goodbye, he just yelled at me and then left.



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13 Sep 2022, 10:18 am

Normally I'd say that backing out on something you'd already promised to do would be wrong, but with how rude the guy was, I don't think you were in the wrong here.

If you did such a bad job (in his opinion) last time, why ask you again? If he wanted you to do better next time, why not give a list of appropriate advice when it was time instead of ruining your night? It's fine to set some boundaries like you did here when the other person is too demanding (and on other occasions too, but especially in cases like these.)



Summer_Twilight
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13 Sep 2022, 10:32 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Normally I'd say that backing out on something you'd already promised to do would be wrong, but with how rude the guy was, I don't think you were in the wrong here.

If you did such a bad job (in his opinion) last time, why ask you again? If he wanted you to do better next time, why not give a list of appropriate advice when it was time instead of ruining your night? It's fine to set some boundaries like you did here when the other person is too demanding (and on other occasions too, but especially in cases like these.)


He and I live in the same neighborhood and he and is mom thought I could go over to his place and take care of her, instead of having the cat go to their friend's house.

He's been very rude to me on several occasions and I have limited my time with him.

For example, one morning, while he was doing the garbage dump, I attempted to say "Hi" and he started having a meltdown over that. "You scared me, you scared me,"

He's also been very rude about the air-fryer situation
1. He didn't acknowledge the gift or say thank you
2. When I offered to help set it up, he screamed "No" at me. Excuse me for breathing and attempting to even be generous.



DanielW
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13 Sep 2022, 10:41 am

The only thing I can really add is a "good for you!" for setting some boundaries with this person and giving him some constructive feedback about ways that his behavior is problematic.

I just hope his cat doesn't suffer for his behavior - he may very well have trouble finding anyone to look after it.



Summer_Twilight
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13 Sep 2022, 12:38 pm

He's pretty popular in the neighborhood but he has done other things that have gotten him into trouble



Summer_Twilight
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22 Sep 2022, 10:36 am

Re-written update:

I think that my taking care of his cat and even considering him as a friend are pretty much history.

Though he found someone else last minute, I got another attack from him via text. When he first got home, he told me that he wanted a two week notice the next time I am going to back out. I also felt icky again after receiving that message. I just don’t think it’s we are compatible for one thing.



CockneyRebel
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23 Sep 2022, 4:32 pm

I think it's good that you stood your ground and said no.


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Summer_Twilight
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28 Sep 2022, 12:28 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I think it's good that you stood your ground and said no.


Yes, I think so too because I am not obligated to take care of someone's pet if that owner is going to give me an attitude like that. I texted him back and acknowledged his wishes before telling him that I didn't think it's a good idea for me to take care of his cat anymore and that we are not a good match for each other on a friendship level. Meanwhile, he read my texts but ghosted me.