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golda
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24 Sep 2022, 9:02 am

Hi everyone,

Your local autist here who misses all social cues. I struggle so much with dating contexts precisely because the seduction occurs "outside"/"before" any actual first date, so the road to getting there is steep. Is brushing my back a "sign"? It could be an accident that occurred three times in a row on different days. Is "mirroring" my body language a "sign"? It could be a marker of a natural human inclination. Etc., etc.

The sad corollary of this is that I also equally miss the "signs" that a situation could be potentially flirtatious or inappropriate in work or medical settings, as well, or be a form of harassment. I feel so sad because of this, as it makes me feel 1) never capable of being independent and ending up "infantilized" by being explained things, 2) sometimes in actual danger. :/

I hope anybody relating to such issues can both chime in to say hi, and also share in the struggle so that we feel less alone! :heart:



Where_am_I
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24 Sep 2022, 12:25 pm

Hi Golda, I can relate to everything you've said. I've experienced inappropriate incidents in medical settings especially. And managed to escape some potentially dangerous situations.

With dating I had the same struggles as you and am still clueless about body language, so can't really give any tips on that. There are some wise members on the forum that often give good advice. I found their advice on red flags the most useful.


_________________
"A loaded gun won't set you free. So you say." - Ian Curtis


klanka
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24 Sep 2022, 1:37 pm

Mirroring is not flirting.
Its very subconscious so not worth considering.


I have trouble knowing when a woman is interested, some women are quite forward and make it obvious but some are shy so sometimes I find out when its too late.
Some act friendly and flirty but are just having fun, some show interest one day and then shut down the other!
Some can like you as a friend but it seems like more....but its not.



golda
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Joined: 2 Aug 2016
Age: 25
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Location: Canada

24 Sep 2022, 7:38 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
Hi Golda, I can relate to everything you've said. I've experienced inappropriate incidents in medical settings especially. And managed to escape some potentially dangerous situations.

With dating I had the same struggles as you and am still clueless about body language, so can't really give any tips on that. There are some wise members on the forum that often give good advice. I found their advice on red flags the most useful.


Thanks Where_am_I for sharing your own experience. I must say that learning to "feel" what is a red flag is a very difficult experience, insofar as I'm always "intellectually" going around looking for things I should be able to "intuit" instead.

klanka wrote:
Mirroring is not flirting.
Its very subconscious so not worth considering.

I have trouble knowing when a woman is interested, some women are quite forward and make it obvious but some are shy so sometimes I find out when its too late.
Some act friendly and flirty but are just having fun, some show interest one day and then shut down the other!
Some can like you as a friend but it seems like more....but its not.


Thanks for clarifying the mirroring thing, klanka. I feel like it certainly isn't obvious sometimes who is "mirroring" whom, and that's why I feel confused at times. I definitely feel like the lesson in your experience is that you're always facing different people and situations! So hard to interesting as a concept. :roll: