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playgroundlover22695
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27 Nov 2022, 10:11 pm

Does anyone experience the feeling of soul fatigue? I ask because I've found that lately I've been worrying so much about my friend and I've been hurt by a lot of people in my past which has made my soul feel tired. When I'm worried about my friend's health, I have a harder time staying asleep. The past few nights I've been waking up early like at 4 or 5am and just tossing and turning while my heart pounded out of my chest, my mind was racing, and my belly was cramped and gassy. Sometimes I just want to cry because of the guilt and anxiety I feel when people I love are suffering and there's nothing I can do. Does anyone else experience this feeling for the same or different reasons? :(



kitesandtrainsandcats
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27 Nov 2022, 10:37 pm

playgroundlover22695 wrote:
... and anxiety I feel when people I love are suffering and there's nothing I can do. Does anyone else experience this feeling for the same or different reasons?


Short answer: Yes.

It likely has its root in caring and caring deeply about people be it all people or some people or a person.


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27 Nov 2022, 11:55 pm

Not quite, but something similar here. I remember one of my partners was always getting into emotionally painful problems, and when she told me about them it would bring me down. I couldn't muster up the detachment to avoid it, and I remember feeling very frustrated because I'd just got my own life reasonably anguish-free only to have all those sad stories to mess it up again for me. It's one of the worst things for me about caring. They take risks I'd never take, and get into scrapes I wouldn't get into, and it impacts on me when I know what's happened. Of course it's not always their fault, so there's not always much point in railing at them, but in a way that makes it worse because there's often nobody I can hold to account.

I've lost count of the number of times I've chosen not to intervene and then regretted it. I tend to feel I've got no right to pressurise people into being careful, but sometimes I wonder which is the worst, being too bossy or leaving them to hurt themselves.

I don't feel much when I hear about disasters affecting people I don't know. I think that's because I have to protect myself from the pain of the empathy I'd feel if I let myself focus on those things.



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28 Nov 2022, 12:17 am

Caregiver burnout

Compassion fatigue

Please get enough sleep and eat healthfully and et cetera

Counseling could be good, bad, both or neither

Support group, journal



playgroundlover22695
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28 Nov 2022, 6:43 am

Thank you to everyone for your responses. It's currently 6:40am right now. I don't have to wake up until 7am for work,but I've been tossing and turning, worrying about my friend for the past hour or so. There's no point in trying to go back to sleep so I'm just going to lay here for the next few minutes, wondering if she feels better.



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28 Nov 2022, 10:57 am

I hope you have a nice day at work.



playgroundlover22695
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28 Nov 2022, 9:52 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope you have a nice day at work.

Thank you, I did. My friend ended up coming to work, to my surprise. I asked her if she felt better and how her sick family was and she told me not to ask about anyone's health because she wants to get some air for lunch and forget about her illnesses. She really means a lot to me and she's not the only reason my soul feels tired. I just feel like my life is going nowhere right now because it can't. Sometimes it feels like all I do is go to work, try to discipline children with very limited options to counter their belligerence, come home to make dinner, and go to bed. Weekends sometimes I go out for exercises, but only sometimes if I have no other commitments. I live with my parents who need me and I don't have a boyfriend or kids (partly by choice). I feel like my life is on a repeated cycle everyday.

On a side note about this, I talked to my friend today who was cranky because of her illness. I asked her if she slept yesterday and she said no. I asked her why she said to me she was going to sleep. She said it was because she didn't want to talk to me on Facebook because her phone was dinging every time I sent a message and it was upsetting her family. She said I like to talk too late and too much. I suggested vibrating for her phone and she said no because she likes to hear the phone. I then asked her why she lied to me instead of just telling me the truth, that her family was being bothered by the noises. She said that not often, but sometimes it's good to lie because she didn't want to tell me the truth on Facebook because she was afraid it would upset her daughter. I am 100% not comfortable with this at all because I feel like a friendship with lies sprinkled in just won't work. I might not like that her family needs quiet and that she can't talk right now. However, I respect that a lot more than being told my friend is sleeping to rest and get better and then finding out she was up all day doing things. Also, I should mention that prior to my friend getting sick, her and her grandson used to video chat me in bed and we'd talk a lot until 9 or 10pm, so I don't understand why she is being distant with me. I know this is a lot, but I have a lot of feelings I need to express. :(



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29 Nov 2022, 2:59 am

I don't have a tired soul.

Instead I have a whiny body, a tired mind, a sickly emotion and a really frustrated spirit for being trapped by the others.

My soul, eternal and loving as any, is a really bored being that chose to live this life.


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playgroundlover22695
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29 Nov 2022, 7:21 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
I don't have a tired soul.

Instead I have a whiny body, a tired mind, a sickly emotion and a really frustrated spirit for being trapped by the others.

My soul, eternal and loving as any, is a really bored being that chose to live this life.


That's exactly how I feel! Do you ever find it causes you to lose sleep or that you wake up with tummy troubles?



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29 Nov 2022, 7:45 pm

playgroundlover22695 wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
I don't have a tired soul.

Instead I have a whiny body, a tired mind, a sickly emotion and a really frustrated spirit for being trapped by the others.

My soul, eternal and loving as any, is a really bored being that chose to live this life.


That's exactly how I feel! Do you ever find it causes you to lose sleep or that you wake up with tummy troubles?

My sleep? Hmmm... I have a lot of causes of losing sleep.
The closest related to emotional related issues is just plain unresolved crap from the day and emotional dysregulation causing sleep issues.

I'd say, talk it out with someone else you do trust -- and with their consent. It doesn't have to be solved directly and immediately, just give it to a different a lens or two -- discreet if it's preferred/or better.
But if being direct is the only option, I say always ask permission.

As for sleep issues itself and waking up a night, I have several more causes other than the emotional and mental causes -- mostly physical and biochemical, chronic, seasonal and cyclical.
Took me years to pick them all out from another and why.


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29 Nov 2022, 11:25 pm

I do feel a little world worn at times. I've dealt with the same games from the same people for many years.


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30 Nov 2022, 10:49 am

When you go to sleep, your body will enter many different sleep states. These include REM and NREM sleep. Your heart will begin to race and beat faster. If you wake during these sleep states, the cause may be because your mind is in turmoil. In other words the stress is just too much and your body cannot refresh during your sleep state.

According to the internet: REM is the stage of sleep when you have most of your dreams. It is only about 20% of your total sleep time. Your blood pressure and heart rate can go up and down during this stage. If you have a nightmare that wakes you up, you may find that your heart is racing.

So the stress that you felt for the safety of your friend was affecting your sleep state.

Your friend is probably under a lot of stress at the moment and is in a type of shut down state, where internally she is trying to repair herself. At the moment I think that maybe the best thing you can do is to support her in any way you can.


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playgroundlover22695
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30 Nov 2022, 8:21 pm

jimmy m wrote:

Your friend is probably under a lot of stress at the moment and is in a type of shut down state, where internally she is trying to repair herself. At the moment I think that maybe the best thing you can do is to support her in any way you can.

I agree with you, but the problem is, I don't know how. I've tried asking her what she needs and what I can do to help, but all she says is don't worry about it, you have to live your life. Don't keep making me repeat the same thing over and over again because it makes me have headaches and craziness. It's very frustrating for me because that makes me worry more, knowing that she's not telling me when she needs something so I can help and support her. It's getting worse too because now I found out sometimes she lies to me. I asked her if she made it home okay when she was sick (she was out driving to my house to go out, but then had to turn around and go back home due to her illness) and all she said several hours later was yes, going to sleep now. So, later that night we talked for a little bit, but the next day she seemed annoyed and when I asked her if she got some good rest the day before she said no. I said that I asked because she said she was going to sleep for a while. Then, she told me that sometimes she just tells me she's going to sleep to get me to stop messaging her because her daughter doesn't like the phone pings every time I send a message. I told her I'm not comfortable with her lying to me like that and she said sometimes lying is good. Not always, but sometimes. This makes it worse because now, I don't know when my friend is lying to me to get out of talking to me, or when she is really ill and might need something. I understand that regardless, what she might need is rest. However, as a friend, I don't feel right not checking in on her at least twice a day (morning and night), just to make sure she's stable and not in need of anything. I want to respect her privacy and feelings, but at the same time, I want mine respected as well. I need to know that the people I care most about in my life are healthy and happy. :(



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01 Dec 2022, 9:00 pm

Many people are very different than Aspies. Rather than look at someone speaking honestly, they feel they can lie, tell half truths and many things in between. Sometimes it is done because they feel you do not have a need to know. Generally I would say that if she is going through hard times at the moment and does not want to share her problems, LET HER BE.

If you talk with her avoid talking about her problems but rather switch the topic to other things, things that will get her mind off her troubles. Talk about yourself and your adventures. Help her get her mind off from whatever pain she is dealing with.

One of the problems that Aspies deal with is that we have few friends. Therefore the friends that we have, we feel deeper about. Probably the best advice I can give you is to make her happy.


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playgroundlover22695
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02 Dec 2022, 9:34 pm

I really like your advice. That is one of my biggest problems. I tend to have difficulty listening to her when she says she doesn't want to talk about her problems. I instead say things like "No, tell what's wrong because you are supposed to ask me for help. I'm your friend and I want to help me." Then she'll say "don't worry, be happy. Live your life." Then I sometimes say "I do worry though because you are my friend and I want to help you feel better because you are so good to me and you don't deserve to suffer." It's hard but it's something I will try to work on.



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02 Dec 2022, 11:33 pm

There are people who don’t like to be fussed over. I am one of those people.

I like for people to care about me—but usually not overtly.