Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1932
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,001
Location: wales

02 Dec 2022, 5:25 pm

Today I popped into a group for autistics for the first time in years. It's a new group that's opened up over the last year but only now I went to see them as I have time off work. They all seemed pretty chill.

It's run by some social worker (don't know her exact field) but she was reasonable enough though had a tendency to act a bit like a teacher in a junior school. They have a nice little charity shop going on. All the group members seem to vary hugely with their degree of autism. Some had carers and some came on their own. One might be a bit of a problem as she gave off woke vibes though.

They're planning on doing some late afternoon stuff so I'll have a lot more chances to see what they're all about at the end of work days. Hopefully It'll end up being a fun little place but it depends.

Might as well mention it because I'm bored enough on this Friday evening.



temp1234
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Apr 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,859

02 Dec 2022, 7:38 pm

Good on you. I hope it will turn out to be your permanent fun place to mix with people. Must be really nice to have a group that you feel you belong to. Yeah, non-autistic people can sometimes treat us "disabled" people somewhat like kids, which could sometimes help but often makes us feel like lesser beings.

I'd love to attend a local group like that, too, but I haven't tried to find one. I'm actually scared of even other autistic people. I'll work on that.



renaeden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,988
Location: Western Australia

02 Dec 2022, 11:49 pm

As temp1234 said, good on you. It's not easy to first attend an established group.

I used to go to an autism group in the city - took me an hour and a half to get there. There'd be a non autistic running the group and we'd have a specific topic to cover and talk about. One girl used to like hugging everyone but she didn't hug me! There were mostly guys there.

I used to like the first part of the group where we discussed the given topic; it was the next part - eating and socialising where I kind of sucked. I'd end up eating and standing by myself, not knowing how to approach someone and get a conversation going.

I get the impression you're not like that, Nades, I think you'll enjoy the group more as you get to know people.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,452
Location: Long Island, New York

03 Dec 2022, 5:29 am

I would not let the "woke" person prevent you from enjoying the group. In any group, there are usually one or two people you are not going to like. And you don't know this "woke" person much, she may not agree with you on much but still be a nice person.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,287
Location: Alpena MI

03 Dec 2022, 6:38 am

very brave, I would not have attempted it.( admiration) Hope you find what you need.


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1932
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,001
Location: wales

06 Dec 2022, 8:29 am

This woke one talking about how she regularly gets into confrontations despite her friends "holding her back". She said "i'll get done for assault but they'll get done for a hate crime" so I assume she does this semi-often.

She also said her black friend told her she experiences no racism but she implied that she probably has experienced it and insisted she did and it gave the impression she was race bating a bit. This was all on the space of just one hour.

I'll go again too see what it's likes but I might give her a wide berth for a few meets.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,298
Location: New York City (Queens)

27 Dec 2022, 3:10 am

renaeden wrote:
I used to like the first part of the group where we discussed the given topic; it was the next part - eating and socialising where I kind of sucked. I'd end up eating and standing by myself, not knowing how to approach someone and get a conversation going.

Of course many autistic people are likely to have difficulties like this! Did the organizer of these events have any way to ameliorate your difficulties?

In my opinion, a social group for autistic people needs to find ways to accommodate its members' social difficulties in the way the group is run.

For example, in any group event for autistic people that involves informal socializing, I think it's important that there be at least one person who keeps an eye out for people who appear to be lonely or bored and then makes a point of either engaging them in conversation or introducing them to other people.

(If there's an NT running the group, they should probably be the one to take on this responsibility. But even in an autistic peer-led group, some of us may be at least passably good at playing a welcoming-committee role. I try to do this in my own groups, and I think I've become reasonably good at it.)

Ideally, at least at larger autistic social gatherings, attendees should also have a way of signalling whether they want to be welcomed in this manner, or whether they actually prefer to just sit alone and observe. Color communication badges are one possible way of doing this (although I would consider them to be overkill in a small group).


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Dengashinobi
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 15 Dec 2022
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 323

27 Dec 2022, 6:02 am

Nades wrote:
This woke one talking about how she regularly gets into confrontations despite her friends "holding her back". She said "i'll get done for assault but they'll get done for a hate crime" so I assume she does this semi-often.

She also said her black friend told her she experiences no racism but she implied that she probably has experienced it and insisted she did and it gave the impression she was race bating a bit. This was all on the space of just one hour.

I'll go again too see what it's likes but I might give her a wide berth for a few meets.


Wokeness is probably her special interest and probably she likes to talk all the time like that. I once met a girl on the spectrum who was into intetsectionalism etc. It was her tunnel vision.

I don't think that the special interest defines the person. If you are positive towards each other you will be able to overcome these ideological differences and maybe even admit that the other person is a little bit right.



Da_Zero_A_Dieci
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Nov 2022
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 545

27 Dec 2022, 6:21 am

You're good.

I don't have this inclination.

I would quickly go into trouble and stress.

Do you think you benefit in something: I don't understand what you asking for.

But maybe it's just me being weird and not having this proclivity.


*Perhaps it depends on the fact that he is alexithymic

Or from my social upbringing which is different from yours.

§
I see that many autistic people are happy to be together.

The important thing is what you feel inside.

Sorry because mine is not a very positive post and it should be instead.



renaeden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,988
Location: Western Australia

27 Dec 2022, 10:43 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
renaeden wrote:
I used to like the first part of the group where we discussed the given topic; it was the next part - eating and socialising where I kind of sucked. I'd end up eating and standing by myself, not knowing how to approach someone and get a conversation going.

Of course many autistic people are likely to have difficulties like this! Did the organizer of these events have any way to ameliorate your difficulties?

In my opinion, a social group for autistic people needs to find ways to accommodate its members' social difficulties in the way the group is run.

For example, in any group event for autistic people that involves informal socializing, I think it's important that there be at least one person who keeps an eye out for people who appear to be lonely or bored and then makes a point of either engaging them in conversation or introducing them to other people.

(If there's an NT running the group, they should probably be the one to take on this responsibility. But even in an autistic peer-led group, some of us may be at least passably good at playing a welcoming-committee role. I try to do this in my own groups, and I think I've become reasonably good at it.)

Ideally, at least at larger autistic social gatherings, attendees should also have a way of signalling whether they want to be welcomed in this manner, or whether they actually prefer to just sit alone and observe. Color communication badges are one possible way of doing this (although I would consider them to be overkill in a small group).
There were about 25 people that used to come to the meetings. I'm unsure if that number was enough for Colour Communication Badges to be effective.

I definitely would have liked what you suggested - having someone come over and talk to me or introduce me to other people. I'm reasonably good at conversation once I've been prompted.