Where do you struggle with dating?

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Minder
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18 Dec 2022, 1:51 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Have you tried dance classes? Sewing classes?


Just popping in to say that I did meet an ex through dance classes, so this can be done. There are a lot more women then men in these classes. They do tend to be older, though there are always some younger people as well.

But be careful dating someone who goes to the same instructor as you, since there may be drama if things don't work out. Usually there are bigger events where you can meet others from around the area.



StephenBeets679895
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11 Feb 2023, 4:35 pm

Everything. I struggle with everything about dating. I never know what to put in my profile, how much and what do I share about myself, what do I say to the other person to both get and hold their attention as well as not look like a complete loser who is desperate.

I struggle with my own apparently "too high" standards and my own unwillingness to accept anything lower than what I think is ideal for me.

I never know how the other person will respond, so that's a struggle.

I'm fearful of getting scammed, so I have to struggle with that. I often don't trust, so I sometimes go in with a bit more defensiveness than maybe I should.

Then there's competition, "Am I good enough?", seeing other men who are OBVIOUSLY "better" at it than I am.

And finally, my own gut suspicion that women today don't really care about love. They only want a guy if he's super successful at a job, better yet HAS a job AND LOTS of money, so she can leech off of him for handbags, jewelry and other things like that. I can't help but feel like a poor, unemployed man will never have any chance, no matter how hard he tries or how well-crafted his moves are. Women don't let themselves fall in love with a guy if they discover he isn't "gainfully employed", doesn't have money or any of what they think he should have. It's like his personality and good manners ain't worth a damn. Faithfulness doesn't count, in fact they seem to LIKE a man who is a cheater and a player because he's "sexier" than the unemployed dude who is a rock-solid partner otherwise.

I sometimes even struggle with the concept of dating itself!

Being prone to having an openly, sometimes hostile, opinion of life and the universe around me doesn't help me, but I also have my reasons for being this way. I don't mean that as a personal attack, it's really just my means of venting frustration with my own place in it. And being in my 40s adds further disadvantage because the older I get, the less likely I'll find my "desired one". Which may be completely moot anyway if one doesn't exist for me in the first place.



Texasmoneyman300
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13 Feb 2023, 1:06 am

Bataar wrote:
I imagine we all have different areas that we struggle with. Perhaps some just don't know how to or dislike having to interact with strangers. Maybe some are just very socially awkward. There are lots of options. My struggle is just in meeting people. Even before I was diagnosed with Aspergers, my hobbies and interests did not faciliate meeting women, specifically single women. Currently, I enjoy going to a cigar/pipe lounge on winter evenings. Lots of nice guys (mostly married) there and occasionally someone will bring their wife or girlfriend with them, but there are no single women.

I'm also a fan of board/card gaming. I used to be a pretty hardcore player of Magic: the Gathering, but have transitioned more into board games. Guess what, that's not a viable way to meet single women. Lots of women play and enjoy gaming, but they're not single. They come with their husbands or boyfriends and really enjoy the hobby, but not single.

I also really enjoy fishing. I meet lots of nice and attractive women while fishing, believe it or not, but none of them are single. I've taken classes for bonsai trees, photography, cooking, etc and same problem. Lots of guys show up and a few wives and girlfriends, but no single women.

I struggle with finding any suitable church of Christ women to date.



SportsGamer35728
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13 Feb 2023, 10:53 am

StephenBeets679895 wrote:
I'm fearful of getting scammed, so I have to struggle with that. I often don't trust, so I sometimes go in with a bit more defensiveness than maybe I should.

And finally, my own gut suspicion that women today don't really care about love. They only want a guy if he's super successful at a job, better yet HAS a job AND LOTS of money, so she can leech off of him for handbags, jewelry and other things like that. I can't help but feel like a poor, unemployed man will never have any chance, no matter how hard he tries or how well-crafted his moves are. Women don't let themselves fall in love with a guy if they discover he isn't "gainfully employed", doesn't have money or any of what they think he should have. It's like his personality and good manners ain't worth a damn. Faithfulness doesn't count, in fact they seem to LIKE a man who is a cheater and a player because he's "sexier" than the unemployed dude who is a rock-solid partner otherwise.

This is exactly why I prefer to pursue women who are at least slightly more successful than myself even though they're usually out of my league. WAY less likely to take advantage of me. If I'm going to spoil a woman, they need to earn it :P



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13 Feb 2023, 11:11 am

completely unaware of social thingamajigs- the usual. to the point where I wish i could make a list of how to be a good relationship-haver. The line between platonic and romantic is blurry and confusing for me. I'm sometimes crippilngly insecure and girls just don't really like me in that way- sure, on the outside I make a good friend, but I'm not relationship material; I don't know if it's my personality or the fact that I'm trans or if they're queer but not for women etc. All my life it's been no's, except for a one-date kiss one time. I'm trying to reach out to find someone so I'm not so depressingly lonely but no luck so far. I would kill to be loved and cherished in that way. I feel so alone. I don't care about family or friends- that love means nothing to me because it doesn't alleviate the loneliness. I don't care about money or if their parents would hate me or anything. I just want to be a girl(optional)'s girlfriend.


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StephenBeets679895
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14 Feb 2023, 6:47 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
I'm fearful of getting scammed, so I have to struggle with that. I often don't trust, so I sometimes go in with a bit more defensiveness than maybe I should.

And finally, my own gut suspicion that women today don't really care about love. They only want a guy if he's super successful at a job, better yet HAS a job AND LOTS of money, so she can leech off of him for handbags, jewelry and other things like that. I can't help but feel like a poor, unemployed man will never have any chance, no matter how hard he tries or how well-crafted his moves are. Women don't let themselves fall in love with a guy if they discover he isn't "gainfully employed", doesn't have money or any of what they think he should have. It's like his personality and good manners ain't worth a damn. Faithfulness doesn't count, in fact they seem to LIKE a man who is a cheater and a player because he's "sexier" than the unemployed dude who is a rock-solid partner otherwise.

This is exactly why I prefer to pursue women who are at least slightly more successful than myself even though they're usually out of my league. WAY less likely to take advantage of me. If I'm going to spoil a woman, they need to earn it :P


Geez dude, how do ya manage that? I guess you have more disposable money to toss at dating sites than I'll ever have. All the "good" women seem to be "Premium Account Only" on most dating sites, which means they ain't accessible to puny peasants such as myself. I wish I could do what you seem to be doing. I just don't have the luck and gumption for it to work. But I do agree with your last statement. If she wants time with me, she's gonna have to earn it. And I'm not THAT difficult to please, either!



SportsGamer35728
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15 Feb 2023, 8:57 am

StephenBeets679895 wrote:
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
I'm fearful of getting scammed, so I have to struggle with that. I often don't trust, so I sometimes go in with a bit more defensiveness than maybe I should.

And finally, my own gut suspicion that women today don't really care about love. They only want a guy if he's super successful at a job, better yet HAS a job AND LOTS of money, so she can leech off of him for handbags, jewelry and other things like that. I can't help but feel like a poor, unemployed man will never have any chance, no matter how hard he tries or how well-crafted his moves are. Women don't let themselves fall in love with a guy if they discover he isn't "gainfully employed", doesn't have money or any of what they think he should have. It's like his personality and good manners ain't worth a damn. Faithfulness doesn't count, in fact they seem to LIKE a man who is a cheater and a player because he's "sexier" than the unemployed dude who is a rock-solid partner otherwise.

This is exactly why I prefer to pursue women who are at least slightly more successful than myself even though they're usually out of my league. WAY less likely to take advantage of me. If I'm going to spoil a woman, they need to earn it :P


Geez dude, how do ya manage that? I guess you have more disposable money to toss at dating sites than I'll ever have. All the "good" women seem to be "Premium Account Only" on most dating sites, which means they ain't accessible to puny peasants such as myself. I wish I could do what you seem to be doing. I just don't have the luck and gumption for it to work. But I do agree with your last statement. If she wants time with me, she's gonna have to earn it. And I'm not THAT difficult to please, either!

I don't pay to use dating sites but it's incredibly frustrating when conversations with the overwhelming majority of women I talk to from them end up like this :PImage



IsabellaLinton
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15 Feb 2023, 9:11 am

- sensory
- alexithymia
- having to speak or express emotions
- adapting my emotions to meet theirs
- change of routine
- agoraphobia


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kraftiekortie
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15 Feb 2023, 9:13 am

^Well....that's normal stuff! i don't mind normal stuff.....

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15 Feb 2023, 9:14 am

If I was single my only problem I'd have with getting would be because I don't make much of an effort with my appearance, or that all the guys I like are married and all the guys that like me aren't my type.

That's the issues I had before I met my boyfriend.


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15 Feb 2023, 9:16 am

Meg from The Big Chill:

"They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a b***h who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, but you don't want to get near them."


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kraftiekortie
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15 Feb 2023, 9:18 am

Yep....stuff from 1983 apply to 2023....it's really no different, in essence.



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15 Feb 2023, 9:23 am

Yup - like they say, the good ones are either married or gay. Perhaps I'd add cheaters to the list.


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shadow88
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15 Feb 2023, 12:01 pm

StephenBeets679895 wrote:
I never know how the other person will respond, so that's a struggle.



Couldn't agree more. I guess in certain ways, there is always this fear of rejection from the other person. What if the other person respond badly to you? What if you get rejected? In some ways, this fear of rejection (rightly or wrongly) causes me not to take the first step. Well if you never try, then you will never get rejected, ain't it?



Urselius
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15 Feb 2023, 1:01 pm

In this context, is 'dating' the same as 'the process of getting a romantic partner'? Or is it a specific scenario within the larger context?

I don't think I ever dated as such. I met my wife in a university laboratory, and no, I did not make her in a test tube. :)


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Mona Pereth
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15 Feb 2023, 4:49 pm

Urselius wrote:
In this context, is 'dating' the same as 'the process of getting a romantic partner'? Or is it a specific scenario within the larger context?

"Dating" means inviting someone to go someplace with you (e.g. to a restaurant, or to some shared recreational activity) for the specific purpose of getting to know them better, with the eventual possibility of either a romantic relationship or at least a sexual encounter in mind.

Urselius wrote:
I don't think I ever dated as such. I met my wife in a university laboratory, and no, I did not make her in a test tube. :)

Did you invite her out to dinner? If so, that was a date.


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