How to find a partner that doesn't want kids?

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Joe90
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29 Jan 2023, 6:12 am

I want someone to put me in a nursing home when I'm old. I wouldn't want to die alone at home and then be found years later as a mummified skeleton.

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The Grand Inquisitor
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29 Jan 2023, 8:47 am

Joe90 wrote:

I want someone to put me in a nursing home when I'm old. I wouldn't want to die alone at home and then be found years later as a mummified skeleton.

Careful what you wish for.

Aged care tends to be a pretty low-paid job, so it has a tendency to attract some people who don't care about doing a good job.

kraftiekortie
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29 Jan 2023, 10:28 am

My mother wasn’t alone when she passed away. She was under the care of private nurses 24/7, and I was around frequently.

IsabellaLinton
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29 Jan 2023, 10:43 am

r00tb33r wrote:

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Have you had a vasectomy?
That would solve the issue quite conclusively.
Then you just tell new partners you can't have kids.

That's dishonest!
The partner would try to adopt, and will feel cheated when you shoot them down.

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There's an important difference between "can't" and "refuse to no matter what".

This isn't the first time you have been noted for making abusively selfish statements regarding conduct toward partners. :!:

No idea what you're on about.
I didn't say lie.
Say you had a vasectomy because you don't want kids.
That's the truth.
The only difference is that the decision is already made on your end.
It wouldn't seem as personal as saying you don't want kids with THEM.
It wouldn't become a negotiation.

This has nothing to do with lying or being selfish.

For the record my brother's wife did lie in that way.
She married him saying they'd have kids.
Turns out she had uterine cancer and didn't have a uterus.
She faked periods, ovulation charts, and trying to conceive.
That was a boldfaced lie bc she didn't even tell him about the cancer.

Also -
Why would a partner try to adopt if you told them you had a vasectomy BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT KIDS ?!
That's abusively selfish.

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Where_am_I
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29 Jan 2023, 3:21 pm

r00tb33r wrote:

IsabellaLinton wrote:

Have you had a vasectomy?
That would solve the issue quite conclusively.
Then you just tell new partners you can't have kids.

That's dishonest!
The partner would try to adopt, and will feel cheated when you shoot them down.

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R00tb33r, this isn't the first time you have wrongfully attacked Isabella.

I read this previous post you're talking about. Issy did not make an abusive statement.

I ask that you stop continuing to attack Issy - this is now the fourth personal attack I have witnessed.

There is nothing abusive in their post.

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IsabellaLinton
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29 Jan 2023, 4:07 pm

If OP doesn't want children he should do something proactive like having a V.
The alternative is to be in a relationship where the woman is responsible for contraception?
She takes the pill or has an IUD?
Why should his decision affect her body's hormones?
Then if there's an accident and she conceives, they're stuck with bigger decisions.

I don't know what the big deal is.
Lots of women get their tubes tied or make definitive choices about fertility before dating.
If the OP is that decisive and knows he won't change his mind, I don't see what the issue is.
I'd do it when single, before taking the chance of unprotected hookups.

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Twilightprincess
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29 Jan 2023, 4:59 pm

Getting a vasectomy is a good idea.

Also, lots of women don’t want to have children, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

Mikurotoro92
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29 Jan 2023, 5:59 pm

I don't know if I would go through a surgery just to ensure I can't get pregnant...

Twilightprincess
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29 Jan 2023, 6:30 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I don't know if I would go through a surgery just to ensure I can't get pregnant...

I could, but I’ve had to have other procedures in that department, including childbirth, so it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me.

A vasectomy has a quicker recovery time than when a woman gets her tubes tied.

IsabellaLinton
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29 Jan 2023, 7:32 pm

Women and transmen sometimes elect for tubal ligation if they're already in hospital having a laparoscopy or other pelvic procedure for endometriosis or ovarian cysts, etc.

Some elect for a full hysterectomy if they have difficult and painful cycles or PMDD.

There are gynaecological considerations beyond just not wanting children.

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Misslizard
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30 Jan 2023, 11:22 am

I had mine burnt shut after second c-section when they were already in there .
They cut them and burn them shut, less likely to grow back together.It can happen, a neighbor’s daughter had hers regrow.
Now it’s pretty easy to get it done by laser and the scar can be covered with a bandaid.No long hospital stay, I think you can leave the same day.
Not a cheap as a vasectomy.
I think both should be free as a public heath service.
My son wants a vasectomy but his insurance won’t cover it.So stupid.

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IsabellaLinton
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30 Jan 2023, 11:29 am

One of my exes had a V and I must admit I liked the little line.
It was quite reassuring even though we were never active in that way.

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r00tb33r
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08 Feb 2023, 7:04 pm

Pepe wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

Pepe wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

Mikurotoro92 wrote:

I have no interest in having children either

(well I mean I DO it's just that I'm scared of pregnancy, C-sections, labor, the "ring of fire" burning sensation when the baby's head is crowning, etc)

That and I already care for my mom so I'm not sure if I am ready or even capable of taking care of a baby!

It's just not for me and IF I ever decide I want a child I would either adopt one or go through a surrogate

Hopefully this isn't a deal-breaker for my boyfriend because I am so close to finding love and my soulmate/life partner...

I want a baby but I haven't, for the same reasons as you. It's another thing I resent my ASD for. I'm hypersensitive to pain, and I overthink things and cliches like "just bear through it, you'll have a little baby at the end of it" doesn't work on me. My fear of pain and long-term damage that pregnancy can do (like bladder issues) overtakes any suggestions or advice.
There are a lot of complications that can happen during pregnancy and/or childbirth, and I'm amazed at how billions of women aren't put off having a solid being growing in their bodies that will have to come out somehow, whether it's through being cut open or being squeezed out between the legs. Either way is painful and unpleasant and scary.
I can't even have a smear test without almost dying in agony, and I had to go on the pill because I couldn't bear the period cramps.

I envy guys for not having to go through all that.

Birthing is only the beginning of the pain. :mrgreen:

...What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?!?

"Terrible twos..."
"Adolescent terror..."
Costing $250,000 on average until age 18.
Kids putting you in the nursing home.
Kids pulling the plug so they can get the inheritance. :skull:

Interestingly enough, my grandmother had been nagging me about wanting to leave her apartment to me (despite the fact that I already have my own home), and every time I said I don't want anything. Truth is, I can't bear the thought of the few dear people in my life not being around, and just having their things around. I'm sentimental like that. I don't want anything that isn't mine, and I get to live with a clear conscience that I had worked for and earned everything I have.

So there are only two ways it can be.
1. I'm just better.
or
2. You're plain wrong.

And since nobody would believe 1 to be true, therefore it must be 2.

rse92
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09 Feb 2023, 8:54 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:

One of my exes had a V and I must admit I liked the little line.
It was quite reassuring even though we were never active in that way.

I had the V done about twenty years ago.

When the doctor put the numbing needle in down there, you could have told me that Danica Patrick was pole dancing naked in the operating room and I wouldn't have moved even an eyeball.

Pepe
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09 Feb 2023, 8:02 pm

Joe90 wrote:

It's not bodily pain though is it.

Stubbing toes due to sleepless nights.
Repetitive diaper changing stress disorder.
Broken bones due to "senior bashing". :mrgreen:

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Pepe
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09 Feb 2023, 8:04 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I want someone to put me in a nursing home when I'm old. I wouldn't want to die alone at home and then be found years later as a mummified skeleton.

I will be dead by then, so you will have to find someone else.

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