Christian but not feeling anything at times.

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Christian but not feeling anything at times.

If I remember correctly (and it’s been over 40 years since I got my BA in music history), the pagentry of the ancient catholic (read that as Christian) church had some influence on what is now the modern musical stage, be it Opera, Broadway, or the West end of London.

For example, I’m planning to sing Charles Gounod’s Repentir, better known as O divine Redeemer on Maundy Thursday. The text suggests a person, who is in extreme torment, praying to the Redeemer of this world for absolution. If the singer is to do this number right, he or she has to put him- or herself in this sinner’s place. Believe me, the only other time I sung this, I was totally drained. Even right now, when I’m rehearsing this number, I’m completely exhausted emotionally and close to a meltdown. Even listening to this piece being performed by somewhat akin to Renee Fleming, Jesseye Norman or Jussi Bjoerling starts the waterworks.

As an aside, I find that most contemporary Christian music, especially praise band charts, are essentially devoid of any kind of meaning, or scriptural use.

I guess it’s true what a former church music director, now retired, told me several years ago: he and I are dinosaurs, the last of a dying breed of musicians.

The intro paragraph will seem off topic, but keep reading ...

Do you remember the story of the Widow's mite? She put in 2 small copper coins, all she had. My church has a couple on display. They make a dime look huge, just 2 small pieces of copper. Jesus said she put in all she had, so she put in more than all the rich folks. We have nothing that God has not first given us. He is the Sovereign Creator, and gives this and that, spiritual and material things, according to His own perfect wisdom.

I am an autistic/Aspie with other physical disabilities. But I have Christ, so I have all I could possibly need. For those of us who are saved by faith alone in Jesus Christ, God meets all our needs as our wise Heavenly Father, not necessarily our desires. Like the man born blind, I assume that God made me the way I am for His Glory. That is an awesome privilege, rough as it may be at times. This site is well-named for me. My citizenship is in Heaven, and I dwell among these strange creatures on a strange planet who have emotions that I neither have, nor understand. Only after several decades of life, did I learn enough to write this reply with the hope that it will help you.

If God did not give you certain emotions, He does not at all expect you to have them! You may have some of the emotions of others in your congregation, or maybe far less intense, but not the full set. Worship God with what you have, including your thinking mind. The Ten Commandments say nothing about feelings, but doing! You can always think how best to serve Our Lord Christ and others, then do your duty. Determined, disciplined, well-thought-out duty keeps going where feelings fail.

“Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him” (John 14:21 ESV).

Notice the implied IF and ONLY IF logical structure of this verse in the first sentence. The set of those who keep God's commandments is identical to the set of those who love God. ('Set' is math speak for group in this case - but the logic is as solid as math.)

The Greek word translated 'love' is ἀγαπάω, which is a heavy-duty love consisting of:
.Commitment to the one loved - not fair-weather friend or only when you can get friendship in return
.Self-sacrificial for the sake of the one loved
.Normally includes an emotional affection or what the world calls affection or love, as normally between mother and baby

The first two are covered by duty.
The last is not always operative; we are commanded to love our enemies. And some of us Aspies are biologically incapable of this emotion or at least it is very weak. But there is still duty. If the poetry in the Bible goes over our heads, there is always Romans. Where feeling fail, there is disciplined duty. When others have joyful feelings in worship, there are the Rock-solid promises of God upon which to mediate and be in awe of the fantastic engineering that God put into creation, the plan of salvation, and so on. But deep down, out of reach is that Seed (the Holy Spirit) (1 John 3:9).

For what it is worth, and hope this helps.


The same analysis can apply to other emotions as well if God did not give them to us.