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Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 15 Aug 2015
Posts: 94
Location: NYC

23 Mar 2023, 2:50 pm

I am 31 years old and until this year I have never been in a relationship before. I have dated but it was very brief and nothing lasted more than a few weeks.

However, this year I met a girl on Hiki, and she instantly professed her love to me after I stood up for her when she was being harassed by some guys.

I was nervous about getting into a relationship so quickly as I when I was 24 I made a catastrophic prophetic prediction that I would not get into my first relationship until I am approximately 31 and that it will end very harshly/suddenly.

And the reason I was so nervous was because almost all of my catastrophic predictions up to this point had come true, and most of the outcomes were even worse is than my predictions.

I currently don’t make catastrophic predictions anymore since I started going to therapy for CPTSD depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, and anxiety.

The relationship was off to a good start and only a couple of days after We became a couple she got very ill and I spent three nights on the phone with her while she was in the hospital and the severe anxiety and lack of sleep caused me to develop metabolic ketoacidosis, and that caused me to have a mental breakdown and I ended up in the hospital for a week.

We were supposed to see each other however because of my hospitalization I missed my flight to go in and see her in person.

So then we decided to see each other a different time which was during my spring break session.

Anyway she was constantly communicating how much she loved me and how she was afraid of me dumping her which definitely put up some red flags and I knew that she had mental health issues as her parents have told me already but I didn’t care about that what I cared about was that as long as she cared for me and I cared for her was all that mattered.

No matter how much she showed her insecurities, I reminded her that I would never leave her.

I told her my insecurities as well and I asked her if those insecurities of mine which were very similar to hers would make her dump me and she told me absolutely not but for some reason her answer didn’t convince me but I didn’t communicate that to her.

I always held a firm belief that if anyone was going to be dumped it was always going to be me I was basically the disposable trash in any relationship I end up in.

(Before I started dating her I was dating this girl who was taking financial advantage of me and pretended to have feelings for me and I communicated in an autism dating group on Facebook messenger that if I stop giving her money she’s going to immediately try to make me feel bad by telling me that she’s dating someone else who is much better off than me and they told me to stop being so negative and judgmental. Told me to tell her that I just don’t have any money as I am going to school.

I did just that and a few weeks later after I stopped giving her money, she started telling me oh she started dating this really rich guy and how he’s the most amazing guy she’s ever met.

And I basically tore right into her, saying that I’m not the least bit surprised and that I had told other people that she was going to do just that when I told her I didn’t have any money, and I told her that even if I had money I would never give her another penny again that she can get it from the rich guy she’s dating instead. I reminded her that I gave her over $200 and I got nothing back from her.

She dumped me on the spot saying how dare I put a price on the relationship and talk behind her back. I told her that she didn’t have feelings for me that she was just using me as her personal charity/money tree.

And we didn’t meet online, I was introduced to her to throw a mutual friend of mine who like myself is also autistic.

But after she ended things, rather exactly how I expected her end things, A couple of months later on New Year’s Day I met my current ex, and my first official girlfriend.)

Just a couple of weeks before I was supposed to see her over spring break out of nowhere she blocked me and just before she blocked me from she told me to never talk to her again and that we were done, making the catastrophic prediction I made over seven years ago come true verbatim.

I asked your parents what I did wrong and they told me that this had nothing to do with anything wrong I did and that this was because of her mental health issues and they told me that they were very sorry for what their daughter did, and I understood that it wasn’t her fault.

Her parents told me that it was best if I don’t communicate with her anymore because of her mental health issues and I truly cared for her. So I did exactly what her parents recommended not because of what they said but because I didn’t want to cause her any more anxiety.

Basically she has borderline personality disorder and she felt it was better if she dumped me first before I dumped her. This is what her parents told me, and I communicated to them how several years ago I made a prediction anticipating his very outcome and they told me that I can’t always go anticipating negative outcomes.

However me anticipating negative and catastrophic outcomes is only so I could overcome them.

But despite anticipating this outcome it was still extremely overwhelming for me and I got very physically ill from her dumping me.

I developed heart palpitations, chest pain, bodyaches very severe migraines and high blood pressure and I even had to be prescribed medication for the pain.

Thankfully after a couple of weeks of severe depression and physical pain I was able to overcome the symptoms from the breaker and my therapist told me this is what heartbreak feels like, Break up with especially painful for me not only because this is my first time ever in a relationship but because I was Anticipating this for so long. My therapist told me that ironically anticipating a break up caused me a lot of tension that when it finally happened the release was much more than anticipated.

I don’t know why I always end up with people who are either mentally unstable or who are just taking advantage of me and pretending to have feelings for me I am never really been in a relationship until I met her and the way it ended and how quickly it and it was exactly what I predicted all those years ago when I was only 24.

I’m still dating online but everyone a message they reject me as soon as I find out I am autistic.

But I’m still not giving up.