Report of the DSM-V Neurodevelopmental Disorders Work Group

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ASPartOfMe
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12 Jun 2018, 9:46 am

LavenderLilac wrote:
TW suicide

I left the Autism community when Aspergers was removed. I get no support from Autism communities or worse, am designated as a caregiver because I'm higher functioning. If I say no to this I'm emotionally manipulated and abused by parents for saying no to their child. If I'm harassed or say no to a "nice guy", I'm told I need to understand and it's mean of me to hold any boundaries with Autistic people.

This wasn't an issue in Aspergers communities because the people there had enough social understanding to respect people's boundaries, and their parents weren't so desperate for a forever caregiver they'd harass anyone female.

The truth is there are significant differences in the way Asperger's and Autism people function. I know when going to an Asperger's group I won't be met with adult children who act like 5 year olds I have nothing in common with. You see it as an issue of superiority, I and many other Aspergers people see it as an issue of needs not being met.

A lot of people were abandoned when the diagnosis of Aspergers was eliminated. It'd be nice if they could find a community supportive of them without the difficulty of trying to find each other in Autism groups where they may end up broken and exhausted from fighting off harassment.

I'm throwing in my perspective as I've seen posts from others who feel the same way. I'm also prepared to get hit with claims of superiority and discrimination. I would love if everyone could get along, but that's not reality for some people.

I'm not going through another Autistic parent making me feel suicidal over my inability to cope with someone childlike being around me. That's right, it is that bad. So is the ignoring of how women are harassed into being a girlfriend to the point some women felt so unsafe in the Autism community they could no longer participate.

This site won't let me post links. Please search Autism groups are not for finding a girlfriend by Kassiane.

This is why we need Aspergers back again. We need different support. Not parents insisting we playdate with their children, and boundary pushing. We don't need to be controlled and regimented and many Autistic parents seem to be unable to cope with people they cannot hold control over.

You get to have a culture. Ours was torn from us, because like crabs in a bucket no one can escape unless everyone does. People with Autism got upset people with Aspergers were having more success, and they needed to see that everyone was held back at the same place. Cause if some Autistic people gain independence, no one will be around to get pushed into the caregiver role.

I'm sorry this was so long, there was a lot to cover. I also am expecting tomorrow everyone will be mad at me and screaming how I have a superiority complex. I felt despite risking more emotional abuse I should at least try to speak up. It'd be nice to have a social community I felt comfortable in.

As it is now the Autism community has been hostile if not outright toxic to me. because no one can say no to an Autistic person without being bullied into acceptance.


Welcome to wrong planet.

You need to leave “Autism” communities for “Autistic” or “Aspie” communities. “Autism” communitites are mainly for parents of kids on the spectrum. This is not the first time I have read here on WP from members about these parents trying to use them as voluntary prostitutes for their kids. Aspie communities are for us and are often run partially or completely by us.

Asperger's Support Group Meetups in Chicago

I am not from Chicago and can not vouch for these groups. In a big metropolitian area like Chicago there might be groups for women aspies only.


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LavenderLilac
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12 Jun 2018, 4:11 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
LavenderLilac wrote:
TW suicide

I left the Autism community when Aspergers was removed. I get no support from Autism communities or worse, am designated as a caregiver because I'm higher functioning. If I say no to this I'm emotionally manipulated and abused by parents for saying no to their child. If I'm harassed or say no to a "nice guy", I'm told I need to understand and it's mean of me to hold any boundaries with Autistic people.

This wasn't an issue in Aspergers communities because the people there had enough social understanding to respect people's boundaries, and their parents weren't so desperate for a forever caregiver they'd harass anyone female.

The truth is there are significant differences in the way Asperger's and Autism people function. I know when going to an Asperger's group I won't be met with adult children who act like 5 year olds I have nothing in common with. You see it as an issue of superiority, I and many other Aspergers people see it as an issue of needs not being met.

A lot of people were abandoned when the diagnosis of Aspergers was eliminated. It'd be nice if they could find a community supportive of them without the difficulty of trying to find each other in Autism groups where they may end up broken and exhausted from fighting off harassment.

I'm throwing in my perspective as I've seen posts from others who feel the same way. I'm also prepared to get hit with claims of superiority and discrimination. I would love if everyone could get along, but that's not reality for some people.

I'm not going through another Autistic parent making me feel suicidal over my inability to cope with someone childlike being around me. That's right, it is that bad. So is the ignoring of how women are harassed into being a girlfriend to the point some women felt so unsafe in the Autism community they could no longer participate.

This site won't let me post links. Please search Autism groups are not for finding a girlfriend by Kassiane.

This is why we need Aspergers back again. We need different support. Not parents insisting we playdate with their children, and boundary pushing. We don't need to be controlled and regimented and many Autistic parents seem to be unable to cope with people they cannot hold control over.

You get to have a culture. Ours was torn from us, because like crabs in a bucket no one can escape unless everyone does. People with Autism got upset people with Aspergers were having more success, and they needed to see that everyone was held back at the same place. Cause if some Autistic people gain independence, no one will be around to get pushed into the caregiver role.

I'm sorry this was so long, there was a lot to cover. I also am expecting tomorrow everyone will be mad at me and screaming how I have a superiority complex. I felt despite risking more emotional abuse I should at least try to speak up. It'd be nice to have a social community I felt comfortable in.

As it is now the Autism community has been hostile if not outright toxic to me. because no one can say no to an Autistic person without being bullied into acceptance.


Welcome to wrong planet.

You need to leave “Autism” communities for “Autistic” or “Aspie” communities. “Autism” communitites are mainly for parents of kids on the spectrum. This is not the first time I have read here on WP from members about these parents trying to use them as voluntary prostitutes for their kids. Aspie communities Support Group Meetups in Chicago

I am not from Chicago and can not vouch for these groups. In a big metropolitian area like Chicago there might be groups for women aspies only.


Thank you. I was here under another account years ago. I would get endlessly bullied for saying these things. I'm glad things are changing.



Mona Pereth
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20 May 2019, 3:42 am

LavenderLilac wrote:
The truth is there are significant differences in the way Asperger's and Autism people function. I know when going to an Asperger's group I won't be met with adult children who act like 5 year olds I have nothing in common with.

It seems to me that what we need is a new term similar in meaning to "high functioning autism" but without the objectionable connotations. "Aspergers" isn't it; do you really need a category that excludes people who might be geniuses but who learned to talk later than age 3?

Here in NYC, for about a year now, I've been attending the monthly adult support group of what is now called the "Aspergers and High Functioning Autism Association" (soon to merge with the Aspergers / Autism Network). The support group is for "adults on the spectrum (or who suspect they might be)." So far I have NOT encountered any "adult children who act like 5 year olds." The same organization also has a monthly women's support group, which I attend too.

LavenderLilac wrote:
I'm not going through another Autistic parent making me feel suicidal over my inability to cope with someone childlike being around me.

Here, did you really mean "Autistic parent" (parent who is on the spectrum oneself) or "Autism parent" (parent of a child on the spectrum)?

LavenderLilac wrote:
That's right, it is that bad. So is the ignoring of how women are harassed into being a girlfriend to the point some women felt so unsafe in the Autism community they could no longer participate.

This site won't let me post links. Please search Autism groups are not for finding a girlfriend by Kassiane.

Here is a link to that blog post by Kassiane.

LavenderLilac wrote:
This is why we need Aspergers back again. We need different support. Not parents insisting we playdate with their children, and boundary pushing.

I'd say we need more groups for autistic women, and also more groups generally for "high-functioning" autistic adults, separate from parents.

Also, among both Aspies and HFA's, a much more significant distinction than the one between Aspies and HFA's is the distinction between those who are able to work (yet may have extreme difficulty finding and holding down jobs, without adequate support and accommodations) and those who are NOT able to work. Obviously, these two categories of people have very different needs.


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cyberdad
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20 May 2019, 4:34 am

LavenderLilac wrote:
You get to have a culture. Ours was torn from us, because like crabs in a bucket no one can escape unless everyone does. People with Autism got upset people with Aspergers were having more success, and they needed to see that everyone was held back at the same place. Cause if some Autistic people gain independence, no one will be around to get pushed into the caregiver role.


What is "our culture"?. Aspies are free to associate with whom they want?? I'm pretty sure 99.9% of people with aspergers associate with people who are higher functioning or NT.

Whatever you are going through I am pretty sure some innocent autistic person or some overburdened harassed parent has done nothing to make your life miserable. Pretty sure you did that all on your own.



Mona Pereth
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20 May 2019, 10:03 am

cyberdad wrote:
What is "our culture"?. Aspies are free to associate with whom they want??

Not even all NT's, let alone all aspies, have the organizational abilities necessary to build one's own organizations, in which case one's ability to find appropriate in-person support groups is limited by the organizations that already happen to exist in one's local area.

LavendarLilac was complaining about the autism support organizations in her area, and the lack of a support group suitable for herself. Apparently, in her local area, there was an "Aspergers" support group that died around the time the diagnostic criteria changed and did not get replaced by something else that would have been appropriate for her.

I think her analysis of the problem is incorrect, but I nevertheless think it's likely that the issues she is talking about are real. In almost ANY social setting with a high male-to-female ratio, young women will likely get hit upon a lot, unless the leadership makes a point of discouraging this. Also, the phenomenon of some parents of autistic men being overly eager to play matchmaker for their sons is an issue that has been talked about elsewhere.

cyberdad wrote:
I'm pretty sure 99.9% of people with aspergers associate with people who are higher functioning or NT.

Sure they do, IF they have appropriate places to meet each other.

cyberdad wrote:
Whatever you are going through I am pretty sure some innocent autistic person or some overburdened harassed parent has done nothing to make your life miserable. Pretty sure you did that all on your own.

Even young NT women, let alone young autistic women, often have difficulty handling the kinds of social situations in which they are likely to get hit upon a lot. All the more so would most young women, even NT women, feel awkward in a situation where they were getting frequently hit upon not only by the men themselves, but also by parents trying to play matchmaker for their sons.


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- Longterm visions for the autistic community


ASPartOfMe
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20 May 2019, 1:58 pm

Just a friendly reminder that this is a necrobumped thread and LavendarLilac has not posted here since last July.

That said the issues discussed of the differences between the Autism community and Autistic community and females going to Autism support groups for help and parents trying use them as cum dumpsters for their children remain.

I am not so sure that if we were still under the old DSM IV these problems would be significantly less. To me the problem is not labeling but as mentioned lack of attention paid to the needs of adult autistics


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cyberdad
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21 May 2019, 4:30 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
What is "our culture"?. Aspies are free to associate with whom they want??

Not even all NT's, let alone all aspies, have the organizational abilities necessary to build one's own organizations, in which case one's ability to find appropriate in-person support groups is limited by the organizations that already happen to exist in one's local area.

LavendarLilac was complaining about the autism support organizations in her area, and the lack of a support group suitable for herself. Apparently, in her local area, there was an "Aspergers" support group that died around the time the diagnostic criteria changed and did not get replaced by something else that would have been appropriate for her.

I think her analysis of the problem is incorrect, but I nevertheless think it's likely that the issues she is talking about are real. In almost ANY social setting with a high male-to-female ratio, young women will likely get hit upon a lot, unless the leadership makes a point of discouraging this. Also, the phenomenon of some parents of autistic men being overly eager to play matchmaker for their sons is an issue that has been talked about elsewhere.

cyberdad wrote:
I'm pretty sure 99.9% of people with aspergers associate with people who are higher functioning or NT.

Sure they do, IF they have appropriate places to meet each other.

cyberdad wrote:
Whatever you are going through I am pretty sure some innocent autistic person or some overburdened harassed parent has done nothing to make your life miserable. Pretty sure you did that all on your own.

Even young NT women, let alone young autistic women, often have difficulty handling the kinds of social situations in which they are likely to get hit upon a lot. All the more so would most young women, even NT women, feel awkward in a situation where they were getting frequently hit upon not only by the men themselves, but also by parents trying to play matchmaker for their sons.


Your responses make sense to me...I was probably being too harsh



cyberdad
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21 May 2019, 4:31 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Just a friendly reminder that this is a necrobumped thread and LavendarLilac has not posted here since last July.


She may be reading though..



FranzOren
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25 Apr 2021, 5:25 pm

I consider communication disorders and Autism Spectrum Disorder to be Developmental Communication Angosia.

I call it Developmental Communication Angosia Spectrum Disorder.